A Special Thanks

I remember sitting in the sand looking out to the ocean. Just hours before my life had changed drastically, and as I took in the landscape I scarce found the strength to breathe. In those precious hours between hearing the words and coming to some sort of terms that it was real, I remember so many thoughts and fears came to mind. You cant really begin to wrap your head around It right away but its there each time you wake up, just waiting to be your new reality, waiting to take you.
And yet in this I remember a deep feeling of purpose beginning to emerge. You see days before I had decided I would be leaving Hawaii for good. I had been so sick for months and new very distinctly that I was ill and was fairly certain I was in all actuality dying of something. The news was nothing less than shattering but in it I found an answer I had sought for with the urgency of my fading self.
While with so many trials in life there is a directive that we must endure solely and faithfully this news brought with it a message that for the next year doctors, nurses, and a whole team would be doing there best to bring me in from the darkness. For the previous months I had been alone in a place of loss and struggle and now I would be receiving the much needed attention.
Each phase of this journey has had its difficult moments, periods, and climbs that have been unbearable. I have found that while the physical lashing offered by the inpatient chemotherapy is devastating it has not equaled the strife brought from the day to day living with the outpatient regiment. I realize now the constant caretaking found in the long hospital stays offered a bit of consistency even in struggle, that was manageable. But admittedly the fight for existence out of the hospital involves so many other facets before unseen in some way this is understandable.
I share this with you to show the situation in which I have found myself in for the past many months so that you might better understand the gratitude I have for the graciousness you have extended me. Sarah shared with me the fundraiser idea some time after its creation and words can scarce capture the peace it has brought to me.
It is not simply that from this there has been a reduction of some of my bills related to this fight but rather the gesture made by those I love, and also by those who just are loving. There is a sweet feeling when in your darkest hour someone can sit with you and be present. While this is for obvious reasons not always possible the outpouring of love and support from this has helped me on multiple days that were just that.
While I cannot thank each of you personally for your love and sharing with me please know that each of you have impacted me for the better. This battle has so much time still to wage and I am grateful to know that so many are mindful of me in this great time of need. I pray that for each of you life is rewarding in the ways that you so desperately need as well. Thank you now and thank you always for the light each of you share with me continually through this dark time.

A note to Sarah-
I remember speaking with you many times about your conversion to the gospel and when you have sought to know if and when you really believed in Christ and His promises. I want you to know there have been few times in my life and few people in my life who have shown me such pure love. There will never be enough I can say for the gratitude I have for the way you have picked me up and helped me through so many days that defeat was imminent. Your love for life is contagious and your generosity and sweet spirit will stand out to me forever as an example of how to exist and follow Christ. Thank you always and please know of my love- c

the path traveled

For some time i have been meaning to write. there seems to be an urging within me to address all of those souls that have been in my service and support for the past year of my life. however i regret to say it has been difficult to really be able to compose something that could rightfully depict my current position in the fight against cancer and my battles that have waged. so please forgive me if this for any of you is not fully encompassing or paints a full picture of the great and small things of this year.
I must start by saying, wow, what a year. there are not really words to say all of the things that i feel about all of my treatment and care. i could talk for hours about the nights that nurses stayed with my through the vomit, tears, breathing difficulties, codes called, and near death experiences. i could tell you about the doctors that through days weeks and months Never stopped fighting and believing in me and the other patients at the hospitals i lived at. or i could tell you about all of the "wisdom" i have attained in the clutches of death, but i fear it would be a stretch to assume even that.
Instead i will say this. one year ago this week i was told i had an expiration date. i watched my biggest dream be ripped away from me and the darkest and most difficult fight of my life beset me. i watched great and terrible things happen to my body and spirit. i felt the fear as you hear and see you heart rate drop. i have held the hand of loved ones as i felt my lungs close in on themselves. i have felt so many drugs come into my system that took from me everything to even sanity. and i have watched in the mirror as i changed in every way. and yet with all of this i stand today. i walk today, not perfect but in remission. i live today knowing that the darkness which has threatened every aspect of my life is at bay, it is not gone but away. i will stay on a treatment regiment which continues to make life hard, but will point out, i am Alive.
Through 160 days in the hospital, over 15 insertions into my spine, countless bone marrow biopsies, gallons of chemo, hundreds of opiates, antibiotics, transfusions, and various procedures i remain. I want the doctors and nurses and friends and family that have stayed by me to know, of my deepest gratitude. thank you for making my life mine again. may i live in a way that honors the effort of all of you as well as that of my own.
And if i may make mention to a special group. to all those that i have lived with, suffered with and grown with. to all those that are still in the fight and to those that have lost or will to this awful darkness. I am honored to have known and know the great battle that you and i share. the horror of this awful disease is something i could never have understood in any sort of way but in person. i have been so blessed to see so many courageous warriors fight every day in the halls of 11long just to stay alive. please know those memories we share last forever, and you are so brave. i have never seen such strength as those that have fought and still are. and i want those that have lost loved ones and those who have given everything for the research in this fight to know of my personal gratitude for the sacrifice. there is no way for some to live without others to fall and i am so sorry for the loss and want you to know that the memory and love for those that have gone on before is never far from my heart. it is what fuels me these days and always. may God rest the souls of those that have fought till the end.
And so what now right? i have asked myself that much as of late and each time the same thing happens. this smile comes to me, from the deepest part of my heart and i shake my head and think to myself, Just Live. i will continue in school and business and life, but everyday i am just so grateful to be alive, to be feeling a bit better daily, and to know of the journey that is still ahead in my life. thank you again, each of you that has helped me and known and shared in the darkness and given to me pieces of light when it seemed impossible for this to happen. i pray for the health and safety for all you and please know even if i don't write, or properly thank you, you are my life. each day the memories of your goodness, of your giving, and sacrifice is what fills my cup. i could never thank each of you for the gifts of life that you share but hope that in my life i may give and live just as so many of you.

oh and one last thing..... Chad 1 Cancer 0

My Day 11/29/08

a year ago i layed in a bed in at Stanford gripping tightly as a hand drill was used to dig into my hip bone. as the blood oozed from the wound and as the doctor repeatedly got stuck and had to start over i thought of the long journey ahead and how along with the pain i felt in ways already i could not explain, that one day i would not lay in pieces. that one day i would stand and not waiver on any level. while today my cells are still augmented and challenged by chemotherapy i do not find myself in pieces. i do not lay in bed surrounded by blood, vomit, or covered in IV lines. Today i stand tall, I stand for me, and i stand with the strength of thousands that know of the same horror of facing death and smiling in its awful existence. today i continue to live with the knowledge that this time is precious, this time is God given, and this time, Its MY TIME! While some journeys are not completed by there markings of Remission, some battles are. While the chemo is not over, the terror of wondering everyday if i will survive is. The hours laying in bed crying in fear, the shaking on the floor and praying for death as a way out are no more. My heart is filled with sorrow for those that still find themselves called to this horrific trial, and i pray to God that they might have the success and strength i have found in Him. But for today just today November 29th 2008, and every November 29th to come, i will Rejoice unabashedly. i will cry out to heaven in thanks and know that I am heard That i am watched over, and that I Chad Hickey am still Here and Still Alive. My only hope is that on this day i might live as mightily as those i have learned from in my darkness. the ones that have gone before, the friends, and patients that have succeeded in their own battles, and who never succumb to letting cancer take from them more than their bodies. May God grant me this serenity is my hope, and my prayer is one of thanks.

C IS FOR CARWASH

Hello Friends-

Over the past few months I have been working on ideas in pursuit to raise money to pay for my treatments. It has come down to using fundraising as my source for income to combat this wicked disease. This weekend there is a car wash being held at HERNDON and CEDAR. Both SATURDAY and SUNDAY from 8-3 there will be friends washing cars to help me in this fight. At the moment we are short handed and can use any help. Whether it is bringing you and your friends cars by; for a wash or telling your co workers about the event, help is needed. More than anything we need bodies. I know everyone is busy with life, and this weekend conference, but any help would be greatly appreciated. If you can come between conference sessions, between your errands, whatever, we need help washing these vehicles. Thank you all for you r prayers, calls, and thoughts. This weekend if you can help just a little, for me it will go a long way. Thank you so much, I pray all of you are well. And please call or email and let me know, your availability.

your friend in fighting

chad

559-348-3751

bodycore@gmail.com

If you would like to find out how to further help Chad in his struggle to fight cancer for the next 2 years or want to donate please contact me at Behlen01@gmail.com or Chad at bodycore@gmail.com.

Please make checks payable to EECU Acct # 11239667 and mail to 2353 Trotter Way Walnut Creek, CA 94596

The Beach

So the crew headed to pismo. let there be food, food, and sand. oh and a ROCKIN hotel. Tom trailing off with redneck jokes, chase chuckin shoes, and girls covering their heads and giggling... oh wait that was me!!! Then there were starfish, crazy tide pools, and of course quality nap time for all. Anyway rockin time, not going to lie, the chase and the chad both met the chp's finest for an official documentation of speed.... hahahahah. What great friends what a great weekend! (what did ya think she was gonna start without ya????

So after this video is shot, Sarah explains, her "eyes close in oncoming traffic!!"

Tom Round 3.... Animal Style Ex. 22 - 19

The Next Morning..... 25 mph
...125 mph

Oh the Splans!!! So Precious, happy 2yr Anniversary

Hey Susan!

Where did the starfish go?

Ah!

We neglected to tell Kathie starfish dont like to be picked up

i believe we said.... "sure they love it!!"

Wait a second...... THEY ARE TWINS??!!! (that explains a bit)



So after not finding lunch it was off to Margie's

The Wedding

Then just a few days later my sister got married. What a wonderful event. My mom and I flew out the night before, and took slc by storm. It was a great time for the family to gather, and she and Dallas were so happy. Lets be honest it was a rockin event. The Leota Crew was awesome, so loving and so fun!

Alicen and Dallas Leota

By the way the steps are covered in ice!! Dallas your a stud!
Oh how they laugh
The Leota Crew
The Hickey Side
The Beautiful Couple

The Siblings, by the way 7 degrees outside
And the Beautiful Mom

Christmas

So it has been quite some time since I have updated this blogness. Lots has happened in the past few months so I will start from the beginning. Christmas- So I got out of the hospital just a couple of days before Christmas. I went with my mom down to Fresno and we saw lots o friends and Trev’s Crew. It was a really nice time with everyone and we ate loads of goodies!!

Nephew 2
Niece 2

Dont Mess With The Best

A Christmas Miracle!!!

Nephew 2 and Trevski
Nephew 1
Niece 1



Care, The Utah Trip
Oh Heathers!!!!
The Almighty Maroo
250$ worth of sushi,
Writhing Pain from Gallbladder Attack
900$ ER Bill
TOTALLY WORTH IT


The Boys
Kevo, Chad, Eric, Ryan

The Cranes

So when I was in hawaii I had the pleasure of making many friends from all over. One of my closer friendships started quickly and has continued to be an amazing source of support through all of this. A couple of months ago I got a link to this blog to see something that was "for me". At any rate I just wanted to thank her again, and her wonderful nieces, Taylor and Hallie. Anyway you should check out this blog, its a tear jerker. http://annaleepuzey.blogspot.com/ Thanks again Anna this means so much. Taylor and Hallie

Cranes!!!

Chemo Update Round 3

Round 3 So round 3 started on new years. The crew (Tom, Sam, and Sarah oh and my Mom) came up and we played Settlers of Catan. After a few rounds and as the new year was closing in, I started cheating in the game, profusely. I believe it was the premeds for chemo, either way, Sam and I had a great time!!

I headed to bed a bit early and as I layed there in a very sick and drugged state, I thought about the year and its ups and downs. I had lived in Hawaii, had back surgery, moved from Fresno, and said goodbye to a loved friend. As I thought about all of these things and I felt the new year coming on, I was also very aware, of how full my life is. And whether or not this cancer has the stamina for a fight, I do, and that makes a difference. So I began round 4 Methotrexate.
Well the round did not go as planned, the drug, Meth should have cleared in 4-5 days. Some 24 days later, I was finally at an acceptable and functional kidney rate. So during this run, while all of my cancerous cells were obliterated some of my organs took a vacation. My kidneys, gallbladder, liver, spleen, lungs and heart all decided their new years resolution, was at least 1 day off a week. Anyway after lots of prayer, and a whole lot of drugs and waiting, everything resumed its normal activity. ( the next round of Meth will be augmented, as not to destroy The Chad)

the little chief

So an update on the chief, he is doing well, spoiled just rotten. And yes that is a cat there snuggling in the sun with him. Dont worry as soon as they get outside he chases her for good measure! Plan on getting him back this summer!!! he says hello in burgese

The Pics

whitney, shell

Relaxin

MENTOS VS COKE 1

So the last time in Fresno, we decided it would be a great idea to stock up on some essentials in the candy isle, the rest is history.

And The Friends Came Down

Hello Samantha, Tom and Tessa. This was a great day. We watched movies and then Tom introduced a genius invention.

And add in a little Zoey, Kathy and Sarah, the perfect combo.

Let me introduce, my little friend, the air inator. 1 can of pressurized air, a quiver, and arrows? Just aim and pull down the trigger, instant person to person missile!!!!

And here is my little Christmas tree. Isn't she cute?

Here is a video of the festivities.

Then There Was Transfusion # 2

So on my second transfusion of platelets this week there was a bit of an allergic reaction. I began coughing and wheezing due to my chest and throat becoming tight and congested. To combat this I was given 4 times my normal dose of Benedryl and a heavy dose of Hydro Cortozone. After receiving all of this, you can see the side affects. Here I am trying to explain that I just received 4 times the amount... notice the number of fingers represented.

Then it was of course time for a little Albuteral induced video action.

And later when I was about to pass out, this shot was taken... a bit sketchy if you ask me....

So thanks again to my team for helping me not die, and look great doing it.

Transfusion 1

So lots of "goings on" this week. To begin with I had some transfusions. While I have had many these were especially important, with my counts being as low as they were.

This is Darcy and Elizabeth a couple of my nurses. Notice the smiling faces, this is in part due to the fact that they had just injected me with benedryl which makes me well a little loopy.

Notice that the platelets are the color of mango puree. You can really find no taste similarities between the two however. I have tried multiple times, really no comparison.

Did Someone Cry Wolf?

So I know many of you are wondering about the whereabouts of a certain wolf named Burgandy. He has been living with a wonderful family near Sequoia National Forest. I am not kidding when I tell you he is pampered, almost as much as me. Originally I had planned to take him to Hawaii in December but with my new plans, I was unable to do so. However I got a call from Darlene, his temporary guardian. She said if it would help that he could stay longer in the mountains with them. This is such a blessing, I really couldn't see finding him a place where he was treated better, as an option. So thanks to Darlene and her family, it is great to know Burgs is livin it up. (and don't worry, when i get him back, the spoiling will continue)

Here is a video of the Little Chief, right before I entered the hospital.

Kramer in the Blood

Thought this video really captured my experience with transfusions...